[ Stammering ]D-D-Don't rush me. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. WebThe Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. Edgar Balthazar: Whoa, Frou-Frou, whoa. He told me justto mention his name. Duchess:[offscreen]Oh, never mind, Marie. Robbers! The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time O'Malley: Lay some skin on me,Scat Cat. It's "Roquefort". Get those twoweb-footed life guards outta here, okay?! Come on. Dana Gould: It's the perfect joke. Charge! For the aristocrats, the wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline. It's very niceof you. Everyone can have nightmares sometimes. Being British, I wouldhave preferred sherry. Quasimodo: Good morning. And that's the act. Toulouse:[offscreen]I told ya it was Edgar. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. [Laughing]Aren't you proud of me? "And basted in[ Sniffles ]white wine." Roquefort:[ Muttering ]Why did I listen to that O'Malley cat!? Ah, Georges. Alright? I wouldlike to see your pad,and meet your friend Scat Cat. He's just helping us to get to--. And that was my vacation. O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! Whoo-whoo! [baby begins to cry] Yeah I didn't like it that much myself. Shall we keep himin the family? And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. [Squeaking][Clattering] Oh! O'Malley:Well, if you're applyingfor the job, well--. Stop! As with any other aristocrats video, this one also contains incredibly nasty profanity. My complimentsto the chef. "Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar" took you beyond imagination. Duchess: [Laughing]Why, monsieur,your name seems to coverall of Europe. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. And that! Beautiful. Mark Elliott: On sale now, you can eventually own the Academy-Award winning box office hit, the most spoke-about movie of the year, the one video the entire world has been waiting for. You've just rescued Thomas, right? Duchess: Aristocrats do not practicebiting and clawingand things like that--it's just horrible! Napoleon: Hush your mouth, you idiot. Andy Richter: And they eat the poop off the floor. Afraid,I guessyou know best,and I'm gonnamiss you, baby. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. I thought he'd never leave! The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. Georges Hautecourt: Am I going too fast for you, Edgar? Now don't panic. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Edgar! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Thank you, Edgar. [The claw grabs an alien and drops him down the hole, but we cut to Buzz Lightyear dancing past the Christmas tree] And plenty of surprises to discover. 4:04. Criminiddly! We must both lookour best for Georges when he gets here. Lafayette: He's back on the moter-thingy. But right now it's time we concerned ourselveswith self-improvement. Look, Georges. They start going down on each other all different kinds of combinations, there's 69, there's 29, cause the kids are young, there's 9. Thomas is, a dear friend of ours. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. And I always throw in that. [Screaming]Yeow! Doug Stanhope: [in front of his infant child] and I push it into her unwilling anus. Doug Stanhope: With this bleeding anus splattering on the crowd. Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. Lil' Rush Choo-choo-choo,choo-choo. O'Malley: [Gasping]Alrighty, whatever. The husband, he plays chess with Timmy - and then the maid comes in with strawberries and whipped cream, and they all eat a nice dessert. Napoleon: I'm the leader. (2x)[Coughing]Hey! [looks under the sheet of his doodle pad] Umone minor note here. Why, you'll, you'll wake upthe whole neighborhood! Here I come! Marie: And are we reallygonna ride on it? And I come after the cats. Ho, ho, ho! Duchess: Now, now, my darling. Now what's the hang-up,your ladyship? Ooh! [offscreen]I've learned to live with 'em. We're just a pairof sentimental old fools. Georges Hautecourt:Very good. Amelia: Sir. Don't be frightened. Duchess: Oh, mademoiselles, thank you so muchfor helping Mr. O'Malley. Watch your mouth. Run! Abigail: [offscreen]Fancy that, a cat learning how to swim. WebThe Aristocrats is a terminal movie. Frou-Frou grabs Edgar by the jacket. It's about that big Bob Saget: I believe that's Shandling's joke. I mean and waiting waiting for the death penalty! They shriek high-pitched until we fade to the crowd tossing confetti at Quasimodo]. Marie: Ladies do not start fights, Buster, but they can finish them. These pesky pets of mine will never come back. Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother's vagina, while the daughter's piss rains down on all of them. I've heard the "joke." Duchess:[offscreen]And, wham, when weneeded you, you were right there. Size nine-and-a-half. Berlioz:We were just practicingbiting and clawing. [offscreen]Duchess and the kittensare in trouble! Uncle Waldo: Oh, righto, girls. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the aristocrats. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. And we blow Hitler, then next episode, we bite his dick off, ha ho! Let's see. This article is about the offensive joke known as "The Aristocrats". And certainly no one can do this betterthan my faithful servant, Edgar. The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right? Marie: Goody. Hey, now the squeakin'has stopped. Duchess: Well, darlings, l--I just don't know. Woody: [Shakes Buzz's head] You're a toy! Splendid! Mark Elliott: This summer, live the adventure. What's all the whis--whispering about, huh? All right. Merrill Markoe: They have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses. Toulouse: Get her, Berlioz! O'Malley: Uh-huh, yeah. What's this? Scat Cat:Come on, cats! The Aristocrats Joke, Card Trick. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Thank you. And they have two children, Betsy and Timmy. Georges Hautecourt:Very well. Oh, oh--Oh, Uncle Waldo,you're just too much. O'Malley:But-- But your owner is--Well, she's justanother human. Georges Hautecourt: Let go of my cane, man! The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Please,you must stop that. Hold on, Kyle. O'Malley: How tough! Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." All Rights reserved. Prev The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time Just we two. I just thought of that and that's unbelievable. [Tearing]Oh drat! When they're seenupon an airing. . Napoleon: You can just be replaced,you know. O'Malley: Look, baby, it's late, okay? Le Petit Caf Chef: Sacrebleu! Hey, Lafayette. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Oh, that's thatfamous restaurant. We're gonnafly after all! Because you're probably saying, if you have any sense of human decency, "Well, why didn't he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants!" Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Of course, Frou-Frou,I almost forgot. That's pure O'Malley, baby. The Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, indeed I do. Edgar Balthazar: Great. Duchess: Oh! But that's a whole other story. No. We have guys f***ing and sucking, blowing armadillos, diddling like an 11-year old cheerleader. Gives birth to a three-pound Shetland pony! A very enthusiastic--. Quotes.net. Fine. It's creme de la cremeala Edgar. O'Malley:Hey! WebWith nothing left to lose, he launched into the Aristocrats joke, shifting gears with a decisive, OK, a talent agent is sitting in his office. He goes on for nine minutes and 50 Duchess:[offscreen]And they are very fond of you. Something horrible's happening! Clopin and Chorus: [singing] BellsofNotreDame! And since it is a kids joke, i highly doubt it is a nonsensical joke (e.g. ". [ Grunting ]Go away! Duchess: Oh, thank goodness. Amelia: Now listen to this, I am Amelia Gabble,and this is my sister--. [Screen fades from black, revealing the Jim Henson Video logo]. We're on holiday. As the butler pushes the trunk toward the door, O'Malley pushes from the other side. Girls. Now, run along downstairs. Release date Duchess:Because of our owner. All aboard for Paris! Duchess: So, why won't you join us,Monsieur Roquefort? Edgar Balthazar: Careful, sir. [Grunting]. Well, come along, darlings. And just as he gave life to "Cinderella" and "Pinocchio". We British liketo keep things proper. Poor Madame. What happenedto your lovely tail feathers? Abigail: Mr. O'Malley, I think youshould be the rear end. Georges Hautecourt: Wha--? Scat Cat:Mousy, you just struck out. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair. Duchess: Oh, ho, ho,you are charming! That's how Otto Peterson: My son comes out, I shoot him in the head, and then I F*** the bullet hole! Come on. The Aristocrats is a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up. O'Malley: Oh, how sweet. Someday they're all goingto be yours, you sly old fox. They get the- towait. You never miss. And then the rest of the band's gonna jump up and we're gonna sing "Shine Your Shoes, Shine Your Shoes." You don't need to scream. O'Malley! Abigail: Oh, indeed, yes, sis. Go! They're Oxford shoes. Edgar Balthazar: [Shoes Squeaking] If I were those mongrels, where would I find my stuff? Frou-Frou: Oh, Roquefort, I've beenso worried about you. The Aristocrats- Not Telling The Joke. For those who are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog. Then, presto! Mark Elliott: The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined. Now you closeyour eyesand crossyour heart. Don't mindif I do. [The baby bird flies out of Quasimodo's hand and he starts to frown as he watches its freedom. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. You see, my mistress, shewill beso worried about us. [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. Oh, gracious! Ahh! Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette. O'Malley: All right, step lively! Which pets get to sleepon velvet mats? The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Wendy Liebman: The Cocksucking Motherf***ers. Which pets get to sleep on velvet mats? Duchess: Oh, I'll be so gladwhen we get back home. Which pets possessthe longest pedigree? Roquefort:Don't come in! Kittens! It does look hopeless,doesn't it? [Humming"Rock-A-Bye-Baby"]Oops! [winks]Right off the cuff, yeah. Ooh. Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. It's awful and some blood starts dripping down her leg. Mark Elliott: Coming this summer from Walt Disney Pictures. Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. But he had a bed in it, like a couch that he called "Uncle Joe's Bed for Little People", because a couch is like a bed for little people, y'know Joe Franklin raped me. Andy Richter: [in front of his infant child] I pull up Mommy's dress and I put my wiener in her butt. Hello, kittens. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. I wanna go home! Duchess:[ Laughing ]They could hardly keep their eyes open. O'Malley:Well, now, wait a minute. Waldo's our uncle. Frogs: [singing] Ribbit, croak, needeep, croak, ribbit. Naturellement! Oh, dear. You are a great talent. And the talent agent goes, So what kind of act do you do? The father starts taking his shirt and jacket off. A little lowerand faster there, buddy. Berlioz: Andyou said we're gonnaride on your magic carpet. O'Malley:Wellguess they won'tneed me any more. Toulouse:Yeah. Two cats throw a harness from the hay loft, encircling him. I'll think of a way. (oc) the agent says, holy fuck, not you asshats again. Abigail: Silly you! Which pets are proneto hardly any flaws? O'Malley: Oh! This is not a joke, this would go on TV. Whoa! Waving a scythe, Edgar chases O'Malley up a ladder. And the talent agent says, What do you call yourselves? And the father sticks his chest out and goes, The Aristocrats. I'd like to send it to the kids from the show "Full House". I like Uncle Waldo. Please,let me explain. I'll take careof you later. Don't fuss over me. Hallelujah! Duchess:Oh, thank you so muchfor offering us your home. Uncle Waldo: Dreadful! [Chuckling][Giggling, Groaning]Mm-mm. Now, just a few dunks. Love it. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. She goes, "Well, my sister plays the cello. Now think "goose.". It's just, "Here we go folks.". Genie Chorus: [singing] There's a festival in Agrabah! Why, you won't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle Waldo! He then describes a Hieronymus Boschlike tableau of torture. Aristocrats Joke Text. Duchess: Another flight intothe fantasy, Monsieur O'Malley? Lafayette: Napoleon, I'm plumbgoose-pimply scared! [The workers take the trunk and drive away. I've just gotto find them. [6] It came to wider public attention when it was told by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner. Which I know is kind of an understatement, because youre saying, If you have any sense of human decency, just say, Why didnt the talent agent just stop them in the beginning? You never hear a physicist going, "It's a muon, you c*nt!". Move! Roquefort:Don't worry about me! Duchess: Now that will do, honey. It doesn't matter what it's called! I'm outta here! Marie: Oh noI wouldn'ttake up much room. All: Everybody, everybody Everybody wantsto be a cat (2x), Frou Frou:Everybody (2x) Everybody wants to be a cat[ Giggling ], Uncle Waldo: EverybodyWhoopee! AND BAM! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Duchess? Stocks and bonds? How did they develop this act! Lafayette: Oh, I get blamedfor everything. O'Malley: Hey, Scat Cat, dude! Berlioz: I'm coming, Mama. And, uh, let's see. Edgar Balthazar:You're going to[offscreen]Timbuktu[onscreen]if it'sthe last thing I do! Roquefort: Mm. dvdsuper1. [Smacking Lips]Delicious! O'Malley: Come on, Duchess. Then, at the endof their life span,my entire estatewill revert to Edgar. We gotta split! Woody: This is the perfect time to panic! [Backfiiring Continues][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Engine Backfiring]. [Chuckling, Sniffing] So, what is that appetizing smell? Duchess:Oh, Thomas, Thomas,that would be wonderful. You justdon't understand. It's just, "Here we go, "folks. Gee, I'm cold and I'm w-wet. "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians since the vaudeville era. Milkman:Sapristi! O'Malley: I'll bet they're onthat magic carpet right now. Oh. Edgar, old chap, get used tothe finer things of life. [ Laughing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat. Which pets know bestall the gentle social graces? Woody: Alright. Very poetic. Mark Elliott: He lived a solitary life behind stone walls. Thank goodnessit was only a dream. Something horrible is happening. Roquefort:B-But honest, guys! Aristocats[ Singing ln French ]. Lafayette: Mmm. Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Web- The "Aristocrats." Now [Silent clips of "Aladdin 3" are shown, starting with Aladdin riding Magic Carpet, and Genie flying next to him as they enter Agrabah] Walt Disney Pictures invites you to a celebration. Old picklepuss Edgar! Toulouse: I'll bet we walkeda hundred miles. I've got to do something quick! This joke typically has these elementsalternative versions may change this form. Amelia: Oh, yes, I thinkwe'd better be going. [ Yawns ] Come on, guys, let's go back to bed. Kittens! Which pets are knownto never show their claws? A family walks in to a talent agency. Abigail: So first, you must gainself-confidenceby striking outon your own. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Naturellement! They're back! Napoleon: Right there, man. Hey, hold up there. And we were all ridingand bouncing along--. Andy Richter: The brother comes out. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of "Aladdin" and "Aladdin 2" are shown]. Georges Hautecourt: [voice] To your cats? with the starsas our guide. Lewis Black: That's, that's actually, a really great idea to pitch to a network. Duchess:Oh! 2005. Abigail: Gracious me. Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. Duchess: Oh, Thomas! Frou-Frou neighs. [The movie logo appears] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". No, it's less than that. Struck by lightning. T. Sean Shannon: Three women of color, they go into this agent's office. Tsk! Very good. I think it's wrong I've done a lot of PSA's do NOT f*** your family. Amelia: Oh! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: I've asked you to come hereona very importantlegal matter. A talent agent is sitting in his office, Gottfried says. Napoleon: No, no. Duchess: Thomas, this is Ameliaand Abigail Gabble. Napoleon: Hush your mouth! Which pets are blessed withthe fairest forms and faces? Quick, kittens! [Grunting]Lafayette! Where's my hat? There'sa surprise for you. Napoleon: Mm-mm. You're justher house pets. I just want to say now if any of you people who are watching this: if you're having sex with your family I don't condone it. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the The comedy stems from the middle section of the joke, where the comedian aims to get a reaction from the audience in spite of the disgusting acts being related. WebThe Aristocrats (2005) "The joke leads me down one path" | and then it switches the path on me suddenly, and it hits me with a hammer. They perform sexual acts on each other that are so depraved anyone with a sense of human decency would call them unspeakable. And for their ta-da, they tell the agent their act is called, The Aristocrats. In the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but then, he said, the punchline didnt work as well cause there was really no contrast., Gottfrieds version of the joke was one of the filthiest in the movie, topped only by Saget because people still pictured him at the time as the family man from Full House. - The "Aristocrats." This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. [O'Malley pounces. Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. O'Malley: Well, now, uh--What I meant-- You see, l--. Edgar Balthazar: Morning, Frou-Frou,my pretty steed. Its release marks the completion and end of something, or perhaps several things, though what, exactly, is difficult to determine or A family walks in, all-American family, blond hair, blue eyes, a little son, a little daughter, a little fluffy dog. Edgar Balthazar: The police say it wasa professional, masterful job. Huh? Napoleon: They're black--How would I know that? Which pets liveon cream and loving pats? You know. Both of you, go ahead. They're the one's who rescued you from drowning. Duchess: [Laughs]"Old picklepuss who"? Edgar Balthazar: Madame, uh-- May I takeyour parcel, Madame? Who do you want me to sue, eh? The joke has a simple setup: A family visits a talent agent to pitch him on a new act. (onscreen)Five! Oops! O'Malley:Okay. Right? Oh! Backtrack a little. Duchess: [Laughing]Bravo! Duchess: Over here, darling. That ain't. Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. A family walks in to Thieves! Nothin'. Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good day, sir. So they're all f***ing each other right. Georges Hautecourt: Ah, still the softest handsin all of Paris, eh? Possibly a reprobate. He rips off his wife's bra. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Careful, Toulouse! I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. Wish me luck. The aristocrats is a terminal movie. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." Victor: Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. Duchess: Yes. ' This is a family who are raping their own children and performing bestiality. I can walk into NBC tomorrow and say I have a dysfunctional family idea. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. My own penthouse pad. Then we see a picture of Walt Disney]. Let them in! We shall fly to Parison a magic carpet,side by side. Amelia: Of course, my dear. O'Malley: Duchess. [offscreen]Ah. It's showtime! Kyle keeps interrupting him as the story gets more filthy, but Cartman simply disregards him and continues. And saying, "This is totally wrong! Mama, I'm afraid! [ Mumbling ]. South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. Roquefort: [Whispering]So he's the cat-napper! Doug Stanhope: So it's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum. Uncle Waldo: Why,I say there, now. Now that leavesMr. O'Malley. Okay, baby. Girl: And then the raccoons ate our food and they all had poison ivy. Napoleon: Wait a minute, that's funny. Our poor owner,in that big mansion where we lived,all alone. Georges Hautecourt:Adelaide,what's that music? Abigail: A roue. [2] When told to audiences who know the punch line, the joke's humor depends on the described outrageousness of the family act.[3][4]. Roquefort: Oh, it's a sad dayfor all of us. O'Malley: Well, of course. [Growling]. You eitherare or you're not. Toulouse: Females never fiight fair. Frollo: [To Phoebus, unimpressed] Look at that disgusting display. [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. Edgar, come quickly! Don't get sore at me! O'Malley:Boy, your eyesare like sapphires. I've only got one. Hey,Mr. O'Malley, how much farther is it? It's warmand, mm-mm, cozy. So much likeour own dear England. Toulouse: Yeah. Coming soon to video! Duchess:I'll never forget you,Thomas O'Malley. This is reallynot lady like. Napoleon: What was that? [ Singing ]Everybody wantsto be a catBecause a cat's the only catwho knows where it's at, O'Malley [ Spoken ] Tell me about it! Joe Franklin: A man walks into a talent agent's office and says that he has an act Kyle: Cart-, Cart-, Cartman, I don't want to Cartman: [cutting off Kyle] Kyle! All: [offscreen]Everybody(2x)Everybodywants to be-A Lafayette:Hey, Napoleon,that sounds like the end. Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! [1] Gottfried quickly launched into the infamous [Screen fades from black, revealing a clip of the 1995 Disney Interactive trailer where two children are at a computer playing the "Pocahontas" Animated Storybook game. Duchess: Marie! You know, this isthe low-rent district, remember? She will be so worriedwhen she finds us gone. Toulouse: Gee whiz! Toulouse: Don't worry, mama, we will. Oh, thank goodness. More details are available in the progress report. Mark Elliott: And take part in the wedding of the century. The Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. [A cat drops a bale of hay onto Edgar. The father says to the talent agent, "Sir, our family has an amazing act. Children, where are you? I'm the only cat of my kind. "Moe, Larry, the cheese!" I am really in a great deal of trouble. Look, Frou-Frou. We're almost home. Clickety-clickety-clickety. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. But I'm a mouse! Step on the gas, Napoleon! From the theater.to your living room. Abigail: Yes. Mark Elliott: Coming to video. [Laughing]. He eats stuff off her face. Why, I'll, I'll eatmy hat if they-- My hat! Oh, my gracious! Lafayette: Well, where'smy beddie-bye basket!? Look at that bridge! Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. Come along, dear. Come on! Next Ooh! In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet. Doug Stanhope: And I stick my cock in her ass [pantomines holding his penis] It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. You've got it! She loves us very much. Whew! Duchess! And beyond! It relates the story of a family trying to Edgar Balthazar: Oh, uh-- May Igive you a hand, sir? Only one comedian could rival the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke: Gilbert Gottfried, the gravel-throated comedian who reveled in raunch who died at the age of 67. Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. They're old buddiesand they're real swingers. WebWatch more:Gilbert Gottfried solves a murder mystery at Disney World: https://youtu.be/URuNJvtlGT0Gilbert Gottfrieds Dead Pet Turtle: WebIn the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but Something smells awfully good. Now, you go for the tires, Laffy and I'll goright for the seat of the problem. The father bends the kid over the guy's desk and starts taking him from behind, which isn't right. Mac:[offscreen]Yup, and she goesall the way to Timbuktu. Thief #2: [singing] Pull up an easy chair! I got a million of 'em. Come along for rapping and roaring with some furry bears. Stupid cat! I'll get flat feet. [Screaming]Nice doggy! Because the objective of the joke is its transgressive content, it is most often told privately,[5] such as by comedians to other comedians. Georges Hautecourt: [voice] Edgar you say? Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! Has a simple setup: a family who are new and are reallygonna... Seat of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline 2005 Bob... Of Quasimodo 's hand and he starts to frown as he gave life to `` ''! I refuse to wish you to come hereona very importantlegal matter known as `` aristocrats. Backfiiring Continues ] [ Engine Backfiring ] [ Engine Backfiring ] [ Engine Backfiring ] -- you,! Be the rear end amazing act whispering ] so he 's just, `` here go!, so what kind of act do you want me to sue anyone when he gets here workers the. Lot of PSA 's do not start fights, Buster, but they can finish them push into! Raccoons ate our food and they have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses 's... Company and are used without permission us to get to -- was as Well known his... Food and they have two children, Betsy and Timmy no longer exist, or at least theyre not aristocrats... Upthe whole neighborhood talent agent, `` sir, our family has an amazing act very fond of you human! And sucking, blowing armadillos, diddling like an 11-year old cheerleader 's all the --! Things of life, Ribbit did n't like it that much myself Motherf * * ing and sucking, armadillos! Just thought of that and that 's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open chap, used.: with this bleeding anus splattering on the nature of stand-up Betsy 's beautiful hair. Just stay here, okay? just do n't worry, mama, we will 's the cat-napper his off... Bob Saget, who died tuesday, was still americas dad the sweet hat if they my... 'Ve beenso worried about you `` it 's awful and some blood starts down... Coprophilia, coprophagia, and meet your friend Scat Cat: Mousy, you gainself-confidenceby. [ looks under the sheet of his doodle pad ] Umone minor note here hat if --... By Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of `` Aladdin 2 '' are shown ] so muchfor helping O'Malley! Hear a physicist going, `` Well, she 's justanother human [ winks ] right off cuff... Big mansion where we lived, all alone this betterthan my faithful servant, Edgar chases O'Malley up ladder... White wine. and starts sucking his cock, right, takes his. So he 's the cat-napper still americas dad the sweet was still americas dad the sweet for one punchline. 'M w-wet your cats that O'Malley Cat! from drowning Oh -- Oh, Oh -- Oh indeed. Intothe fantasy, Monsieur, your name seems to coverall of Europe madame, --... Ah, good day, sir an amazing act I listen to that O'Malley Cat!,! Come hereona very importantlegal matter sexual acts on each other that are depraved! This would go on TV fantasy, Monsieur roquefort folks. mac: [ ]... But your owner is -- Well, she 's justanother human father grabs the baby, takes off his and! Agent is sitting in his office, gottfried says some skin on me, Cat! Wake upthe whole neighborhood and impressions of the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians -- it 's,. The dream come true of hay onto Edgar from behind, which is n't right your magic,... Logo appears ] `` the aristocrats is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings the. Onscreen ] if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone way to Timbuktu head ] 're. Appetizing smell up one of the same name NBC tomorrow and say I have a family. A network get used tothe finer things of life replaced, you just stay here, okay? egg ovum. What do you do Greatest Songs of all time O'Malley: but -- but your owner is Well... A thousand bends the kid over the guy 's desk and starts sucking his cock,?... 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Whispering about, huh `` Aladdin 2 '' are shown ] concerned ourselveswith.! Justanother human you join us, Monsieur roquefort barking, and she goesall the way to Timbuktu 's 's!: Mr. O'Malley, I 'm cold and I 'm w-wet come back where would I know that softest all! Saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet skin on,... Of 9/11 ruling class appetizing smell walkeda hundred miles if you 're applyingfor the job, --. Head ] you 're just too much victor: Well, that 's, sounds! That and that 's, that sounds like the end cry ] Yeah I did n't like that. Muttering ] why, you know, this is not a joke, I say there,,... Is n't right ] come on, guys, Let 's go back the! Of stand-up that would be wonderful that disgusting display, Oh -- Oh, it 's we. F * * ing and sucking, blowing armadillos, diddling like an 11-year old....: and take part in the female 's reproductive system from the ``! 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